One Gloomy Afternoon..

Last week, I was so depressed and I've been crying for almost an hour and thinking a lot of things and the pain becomes more painful and tormenting. I am presenting my case to the Lord in prayers while crying. Then I remembered Sis Dhines' message on our training. She said whatever others will say don't mind them. You are not pleasing anyone but God so focus on Him, look to Him alone. Then suddenly my heart changed and started telling these things to the Lord. "Lord, You know my heart, you know my reasons and my intentions why I did what I did. I don't wanna defend myself to anyone (I used to defend myself and fight for my rights). If there is something wrong with what I have done, please forgive me. I am entrusting You everything. I know that this is really torturing but I know that You are in control and You only wants the best for me." Then suddenly, I fell to sleep and dreamed this..

I am with my family in a park, a place with lot of flowers and plants such a beautiful view, a place I've never been to.. then I took Meek with me and go up in a stair.. then I saw Walt (a college friend) there and talked to him. Then when I turned around Meek was gone, my family was gone, everything changed, I was in a different place and I was so scared. I ran to find my family but I couldn't find anyone and found myself alone in the place. Then I've reached a cliff, I heard a familiar voice telling me to jump. In my dream, I know the voice.. it was God's voice. Upon hearing the voice, so I jumped into a very high cliff. I was surprised to know that there's water below so I fell into the water. I am trying to swim to go up but then I saw a hand, it grabbed my hand. I was so afraid because when I looked at him, he is a stranger. I really don't know him so I tried to pull my hand but then again I heard the same voice telling me, "it's ok go with him and he will save you", so I followed. Then I woke up.

Upon meditating the dream, I was relieved and comforted. I don't exactly understand the dream but it gives joy and strength in my heart. After our Sunday service, I shared the dream with the sisters (Sis Aby, Sis Erra, Sis Merla, and Sis Dhines). After telling the dream, I told them that I was comforted. Then Sis Dhines said that she was comforted too and said, "Sis, I don't know if you get the message of your dream. My counselor on the training once told me that God is revealing who you really are in a dream. So you must be happy because when you jumped and obeyed the voice that means you really trust God." I was really happy upon hearing that.

When I got home, I pondered the dream again and what Sis Dhines have told me. Then I prayed, "My God, I hope that I am really like what I am in a dream I had. Please help me to trust You more and more everyday. Help me to be a sheep who knows and hear the voice of the Shepherd and follow Him. I really wish that I am like a sheep, obeys without asking any question upon hearing the voice of the Shepherd. I wish that I will be really a sheep that I may recognize Your voice and follow You immediately."