It’s been months and finally everything was done and I’ll be saying hello to Japan after saying goodbye to China. Months of waiting were really memorable. I had lots of great moments with my family despite of having some struggles and pressures. My family never pressured me about working because they know what I’m working on and what I am doing but when other people asked me where do I work or if I am coming back in China I am pressured. I am hurt because I don’t know what to say but the Lord never ceased on giving me comfort and strength. I praise God for being truly faithful to me. How could I forget His love and mercy? I didn’t work for almost 6 months and I’ve spent my savings on working on my papers for Japan. There were times that I was really empty pocket but the Lord has been providing my needs. I was able to eat not just 3 times a day but 5 times a day with great food. The Lord had been supplying me manna everyday. Every night, whenever I pray, I thank Him for all the provision and His great love for me. Yes, I admit that I worried thinking that I’ll not be able to make it to Japan. But the Lord comforts me everyday and gives me hope. I’ve also experienced being tortured by Satan telling me that my Lord had forgotten me. I keep on rebuking him and telling him that the Lord’s love for me will never fail. The Lord gives me hope, strength and comfort everyday. He remained faithful to me. The book Disciplines of the Heart helped me a lot on surviving worries and doubts. The book was all about entrusting the Lord for everything and letting Him work instead of you. Letting Him do His will not your will. Anne Ortlund’s teachings through that book helped me trust the Lord completely and let me realized that He is completely in control. I found that book on Ever Gotesco Ortigas’ bookstore. I bought it for only 90 pesos, a second-hand book. It is really God’s will on how I got that book. It is because He knows that I’ll suffer from doubts and worries and He lead me to that book for comfort and remind me of His faithfulness.
But you know what? Long wait taught me to be patient. Through those months, I’ve experienced a lot. I’ve gone through so much joy because of my family specially Ashley. I baby-sit her whenever my sister goes out. Holding her on my arms, singing for her while sending her to sleep was a perfect happiness for me. Watching her sleep, I always pray for her asking the Lord to protect her, give her a bright future and asking the Lord to use her for His glory because I want her to be the Lord’s servant leading people and drawing them closer to Him. I’ve also gone through severe madness. I was really mad when I found out that my 2 nephews were drinking beer. They are only 14 and 17 and I can’t let them be involved with anyone that has no direction in life. I cursed for the first time after a year of being in God’s peace because of what they’ve done. I’ve thrown everything I held towards them including our washing machine good thing my sister was able to grab it. I’ve never been mad as much I am that time. Here I am thinking, praying, planning and doing something to help them and give them a good future and they are taking everything for granted. But that experienced taught me a lot. I’ve realized that only the Lord can help them so I entrusted Him everything. I’m always praying to the Lord, asking Him to lead them all to His way. If I could just watch every little thing they’ll do just to make sure that they are not doing something bad, I will but I can’t. But at least, little by little they were able to appreciate me and we became closer. Despite of what happened, I am still grateful for having them because they brought me so much joy and strength. They are one of the reasons why I am striving really hard. I’m surely gonna miss them all when I depart.
Every night, I thank the Lord for the manna He’d been supplying me, for providing our needs. It hurts to think that I wasn’t able to help my mom on our needs but my mom was so kind and understanding. Imagine, she’s the one giving me money whenever she had excess. I thank the Lord for giving me such a wonderful parents. A God-fearing, generous, kind, understanding, loving, almost perfect earthly father. I think of him not just everyday. I really miss him so much hoping that he’s still with us. Such a wonderful, cool, loving, almost perfect mother. For having very supportive brothers and sisters. My sister Alma had helped me a lot specially on my financial needs for processing my papers. My sister Whay is always been there to make me happy and help me on everything I do. I am very blessed for having them all. I thank the Lord for having my angels around to make me happy specially the joy Ashley has giving to us. She’s such a cutie girl. I’m always praying that the Lord will continue to provide our needs, protect us and keep us safe and healthy. Praying that he will prolong our lives specially my mom. Pleading Him to allow me to fulfill my dreams that I always had since I was a kid which is to give my parents and my family a good life. I may not able to give that to my father now so I am begging Him to allow me to give my mom what she deserves. She deserves to be served because she’d been truly great to all of us. She became a mother and a father to us since my dad passed away. I thank Him for giving me great friends. Daneth helped me a lot to fulfill this. I thank the Lord for her because she’d been a big help to me ever since. She’s always there to support and help me. I also thank Him for the financial help and support Dhong gave. I was really touched and I always brag about them to anyone. And of course all these happened because of His love, mercy, and grace. I can’t thank Him enough for all these things. Just like the song said, no one else could touch my heart like He does. I can’t stop the tears from falling every time I think of Him and His faithfulness. I’ve been praying that He will help me to be faithful to Him and help me to be what He wants me to be.
Honestly, I felt really nervous when I think of going and leaving my family again. I’ve experienced too much depression when I was in China. I am afraid that what happened to me in China will happen again to me in Japan. I’m crying always whenever leaving comes to my mind. Being away from your family was really hard specially when you are close with each other. If I could only take them all with me, I will or probably if I could only stay with them but I need to work for them and for our future. I will miss them all for sure. I will miss all the moments we’ve spent specially our bonding time. Gokusen is our most bonding time. We all love watching it. It’s weird but it makes me cry and laugh out loud. Yankumi’s character inspired me to be a high school teacher. I hope I will be given a chance to handle youth and touch souls and eventually draw them closer to the Lord. Every episode was funny and touching.
I am also worried what will be my life in Japan and what are in store for me. Through my pastors, God speaks to me about His promises. I know that He will take good care of me and He will always be with me wherever I may be just like what He’d promised me. Pastor Toto of Jesus Reigns Ministry said that the Lord’s promises were always true which He never takes back and that gives me hope. I worry about the job that I’ll be having there if I’ll be able to succeed or what. Our pastor in Jesus Our Victory, Pastor Mar told us once on his preaching that God is totally in control. He can touch even a king’s heart and if it is His will then no one even a king or any boss can stop Him because He is the King of kings, Lord of lords, and Boss of bosses. What an uplifting preaching. I always remember those whenever I worry. God is truly great. He never left me despite of being stubborn. I love Him so much probably not as much as He loves me but I will do everything for Him. He is my main reason for living. I never felt this before. He changed me and I know He’s not yet done molding me.
I’ve been praying that He will help me with my ministry and be active on church activities in Japan. Asking Him to draw me closer to Him and help me win more souls. Praying that Daneth and I will be closer and help each other on winning souls and helping more people, love and understand each other more. I keep asking Him to not let anyone or anything separate us or ruin our friendship. I am so excited to see her and be with her but there are worries but I know that God will help us both to fulfill our dreams. I don’t wanna lose her or any of my friends. I’ve been praying that He will protect me and don’t let me be influenced by anyone towards worldly things. I don’t want to go back from my previous life. I’ve experienced drinking and all fun but I prefer to be with my Lord. I used to dance for the world but now I want to dance for His glory. I know that He has purpose on sending me in Japan whatever it is I am asking for strength and more faith to fulfill His will for me. I am now ready to accomplish that purpose. I will be forever His servant. And I know that is exactly what my dad wants me to be. May He continue to help me to see what He wants me to see, to hear what He wants me to hear, to say what He wants me to say, to do what He wants me to do, and to be what He wants me to be. Praise God I was able to see Dhines before leaving. Dhines, Donna, and I had a little spiritual talk. Dhines was truly an inspiration to me. God is so wise and powerful and I thank Him because I am uplifted and enlightened through her. So Japan, be ready cause here I am with my Lord ready to rock your world.
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