We had a dinner meeting last night and I slept really late because I read my Bible and my other book. I woke up at 8am but I am too lazy to get up I still want to sleep so I told the Lord “30 minutes more Lord.” It’s 8:30 but I really don’t want to get up so I said “Lord I don’t wanna go to work today. I’m sorry. I’ll just rest here since we don’t get our salary.” But the Lord wants me to go here in the office. Then Rodel knocked at my door to wake me up. So I woke up at 9am then greeted the Lord Good Morning. Then told Him, “I think you really want me to go to the office. What’s waiting for me in the office Lord? Oh I think I need to find that out so I will go as you are telling me to.” I took a bath so fast because it’s really late because I supposed to be at work by 8:30 and it was really cold though we have heater in the apartment. It’s 16°C here right now, so cold. When I get dressed, I thank Rodel for waking me up said goodbye and I rushed to the office. Upon turning my computer on, Nuriku is there (that is my e-mail notifier). I got 2 new messages from Jay Sawal and Aby Gonzales. I immediately opened Aby’s mail because I am so excited to hear from her.
Here is the e-mail:
"Hi sis! Kmusta naka rugu ken? I hope you’ve adjusted already king environment, work and people tho balu ku rugu magkasakit ka…and syempre, homesick.
Ika mi din keni makanyan. Maybe lagi tya a-miss what we’ve been used to especially being with our lovedones and friends. Pasensya na I cannot regularly keep up with your mails. Ngeni ku pa mu mekapagreply.
We’re terribly busy now. Full blast in training mi 3x a week because we’ve lotsa catching up to do. Dakal kami kanu dapat pamung abalu in preparation for the field work. Ali kami pa migvisit king field, sis. Maybe early next year, we’ll have our first team mission trip. Y Dhines, she had experiences of short mission trips king Pinas pero yaku ali ku pa kaya pin somehow excited din and afraid.
Know what sis? This training, this great opportunity to be part of this training, really changed my life – a total turn. Dkal enlightening experiences, sis especially when I get to experience the Lord’s work in my life. It was very painful, sis, kasi HE showed me my true self – a wretched one that is. It all started there…and it was really painful coz’ I have to let go of many many things including my right to myself for the love for the Lord…hayyyy sis…hope I could share all.
I am so grateful for this second chance a-binye nang Lord kaku to fix this life – and not just fix – but He changed it. He is shaping me to become the person He wants me to be. Out of my sinfulness, sis, He still loved me and patiently waited for me. =) That’s why am giving this life for His disposal, sis. Whatever He wants me to do for the coming days, I’ll do. =) All His...=)
Can’t help falling in-love…anapen nitang song…ihihihi…=)
Mingat ka lagi ken ne, sis…and don’t fall in love in the world, alright? =) Keep close to the Lord…=) mmmwahhh!"
Aby S. Gonzales
Upon reading the e-mail, my soul was lifted. Suddenly, I felt pain. I am so happy to hear that Dhines and Aby are doing great and enjoying their missions but part of me was hurt because I really want to join them. I also want to do missions and I am hungry for the words of God. I have cried one night just this week because I was so confuse for one thing about the Lord. I cried so hard and ask Him to help me understand His existence, His power and His whole being. I really want to know more about Him so that I will be well-equipped for my ministry.
I really don't know what to feel because right now I can't give up my goals for my family because I love them so much and I need to support them. Out of the pain that I can't take anymore, I was thinking to whom I could share this and ask for advice. I prayed and then Jhay came to my mind. I know he can help me and enlighten me with this things. So I sent him a message via text.
Here is our conversation:
Gayle
bro, wish i could talk to you.. i am so sad right now.. the pain is tormenting me.. i received an e-mail from my sis aby gonzales.. know her diba? sobrang mekapakyak ku kaya bisa kuring magmission like them really pero ekulapa alakwan family ku.. i need to support them coz if i won't no one would.. my family needs me..part of me bisa kung magfulltime keng pamagserve ku kaya kaso ng kasakit kasi ekula alakwan family ku talaga.. manasakit ku.. Lord knows how much i love Him and i love my family so much too.. i keep on asking for His forgiveness for loving and caring for my family so much.. bro, honestly eku balu ng gawan ku.. i need your advice i don't know what's His plan for me.. mali ba ing gagawa kung paralan para keng pamilya ku? kaluguran kulang sobra pero syempre i love the Lord more than anything.. pero ekula alakwan reng pamilya ku talaga.. magkasakit ku.. ekuna balu ng isipan ku.. gawan ku ngan bro for my family..hay dear kasakit.
(in short: i also want to join missions but right now i can't give my full time to the Lord because i need to work for my family. i really want to serve Him but my family needs me and it hurts me because i can not give Him all. i love my family so much and i really can't afford to lose them but i love the Lord more than anything)
Jhay
missions doesn't measure your passion for the ministry, there are other things to make your own mission.. nanu ba talaga wari ing panagalan mu ketang abasa mung e-mail, the enjoyment or the need to do the great commission? and things like that.. all your works and the Lord are not in vain.. Jesus has prepared much greater missions ahead of you. God bless.. it's not a matter of who you love or who you value, but it's a matter of doing what is to be done, and your family needs you.. you can have your mission inside your family.. wait for the Lord, pray!
Gayle
ing tutu kasi i don't know if loving my family so much is a sin.. i really love them so much and i can't afford to lose them.. i will do everything watever it takes to give them what they need.. misan papagal kung mimisip paralan ng gawan ku para asuportan kula.. matwa ne y ma ku bro, i want to give back wat she gave to me, sobrang pamag-ingat ng ma ku, manasakit ku kasi ekuna abye kang tatang ku ing buri kung ibye kaya kasi ala ne.. y wali ku pa eke apaburen kahit tin neng asawa.. reng pawnaka ku kailangan daku.. meblessed ku ketang e-mail ng aby meinggit ku karela.it makes me more hungry to know more about Him. nakung karakal kukutang about kaya na eku balung sagutan pati keng papamasa kung bible pati kareng sisend dang message kaku malilitu ku.. pero siguro pin datang yarin ing time ku.. i need to start with my family you are right good thing y ma ku mibalik ne..kaya siguro paulyan na nakung Lord.. last part ning e-mail ng aby "Mingat ka lagi ken ne, sis…and don't fall in love in the world, alright? =) Keep close to the Lord…=) mmmwahhh!" balu mu bro, ing pagpray ku ngeni buri ku talaga kahit magwork ku tin kung time keng pamagserve ku kaya bisa ku talagang magserve, dakal kupa dapat abalu about kaya..
Gayle
"Know what sis? This training, this great opportunity to be part of this training, really changed my life - a total turn. Dkal enlightening experiences, sis especially when I get to experience the Lord's work in my life. It was very painful, sis, kasi HE showed me my true self - a wretched one that is. It all started there…and it was really painful coz' I have to let go of many many things including my right to myself for the love for the Lord…hayyyy sis…hope I could share all. " keni meguilty ku kasi i can't give up my dreams for my family meinggit ku kasi ila agive up da ngan..it hurts!
Jhay
Jeremiah 29:11.. for all things work together for good to them who love God! God is preparing you for a good battle, He's equipping you now.. that when the right time comes, you'll be victorious!
Gayle
tnx bro! tnx for listening and for enlightening me.. you've been a true blessing from God.. i am ok now tnx to you and to the Lord.. i am so happy for the second chance God gave me.. eka magbayu ne.. i am praying for that always.. ingat lagi.. i will always remember the things you told me.. God bless you n your family!
Jhay
di lahat ng naging effective sa isang tao ay applicaple sa iba, the others might be dead on the first bullet, but you might not.
Gayle
wow so deep.. di ko madig hehe.. yeah bro, now i know that i have a different calling and different way on serving Him.. thanks for letting me realized that.. i just need to trust Him right? whatever His will 4 me I am now ready to follow.. He knows what's best for me.. im holdin on to my faith and to His promises! Tnx!
I felt fine and relieved after that. Now I know that even if I can’t give Him my full time. What is important is what I can do for Him even just simple act of goodness and kindness to my family and others. I can serve Him even with my simple ways. Jhay is right, I can have my own mission within my family. I will start that mission when I get back home. I will start ministering to my family. Most of us were Christians and I am glad my mom is active on her service. I want our whole family to be Christians and serve the Lord. I want to serve the Lord with them. When I accomplished that, my next mission is to win my friends’ souls and then win more souls and I will be victorious. I really thank Jhay for helping me and for enlightening me. God is truly great and He is a forgiving God. I thank Him for the second chance He gave me. I’m lost and He found me. As what I told Aby on my reply, we feel the same. I keep falling in love with the Lord. Oh I can’t thank Him enough for all the things He’d done and keep on doing and for giving me amazing friends like Aby, Dhines, and Jhay. They are truly blessings to me. My angels that was sent from above. Three of my inspirations. These guys help me to hold on to my faith and keep me going. I love these guys so much and I am so proud of them. I am praying that I can have a mission with them. And I am praying always that the Lord will bless them always, strengthen them and help them to win more souls and succeed on their ministry and missions. I am so excited to be with them and share my experiences and hear theirs. And I am more excited to go home and see my family and start my mission.
