So Long To My Elijah

According to Oswald Chambers on his book My Utmost For His Highest, Elijah means your guide, leader, counselor. Who is my Elijah? God brought me my Elijah 4 years ago when my life was at wit's end. Through my Elijah, I have learned to pray earnestly. And that prayer my Elijah advised was the start of my Christian life, it changed my whole life. God’s presence moved me that night and I became a different person. After that prayer, I committed my life to the Lord gravely. Though we separated ways, miles away, we still kept in touch. I always call for advice and confessions even when I was in Japan. My Elijah had been my counselor, my influence, my mentor, one of my inspirations. The prayers of my Elijah had been indeed a big help to me. I was inspired and encouraged to serve the Lord because of my Elijah's life as well as my sister Aby who became my leader and counselor as well. I always want to follow my Elijah wherever she may be. I also want to be a missionary like her and Sis Aby. It is really my heart’s desire to be like them and undergo the same training they had.

When our leaders told us that Sis Dhines (my Elijah) is leaving for further studies, for pastoral and leadership training, and she will be staying in Bangkok for 9 months or more, I was shocked. I couldn't explain the feeling, tears just keep on flowing, I don't know if I want to lay down or what. I always cry whenever I remember that she is leaving. Yes, I know that our leaders will always be there for me as they always do. It's just that, I was used to seeing her, talking to her, asking her advice, prayers, each time. Her presence on the church is different and that is what makes me really sad but of course I am happy for her, for the chance given to her, and I am sure, she will be more equipped, more effective after the training. I know that she will be away for 9 months only, but I hope she will be based in Pampanga again. But of course if that is not God’s will then I can’t go against it.

One night, August 11, I was reading the book she lent me (My Utmost For His Highest), and the devotional was about Elijah when God was about to take him. It really comforted me and I remember my Elijah who was about to leave. I even e-mailed her about my sentiments that night and I am sorry that I made her cry. Yesterday, she sent us a message about her flight, and that was hours ago. In my heart I want to go in the church to see her for the last time, but I decided not to because I don't wanna cry and I don't wanna think that she is leaving. It really hurts so bad and I couldn't explain the pain. Yes, I think I am afraid that I may not able to continue without my Elijah. I was praying last night, and I've been crying while asking God to strengthen me that I may truly walk with Him. I wish that I could be like Elisha, who asked Elijah's double portion and he continued what Elijah had started. I really don't wanna see her go so I stayed at home trying not to think about her. Last night after praying, I was tested and I failed and I became more afraid that I will not be able to overcome trials. I've been tested for a long time and able to overcome but not last night. I cried to the Lord, with so much fear and trembling, asking for His help. I was thinking what will happen to me without His presence and without my Elijah reminding me. She hadn’t left yet but I already failed. I was in great remorse for this past 2 days thinking a lot of things. I am really afraid to be honest. I am afraid that I might fail God and fail my Elijah. I'm telling God that I have no reason to live if I will only fail Him, and not able to fulfill my Elijah's expectations. I'd rather die than failing my Master and live a life that is not accordance to His will, a life that is not pleasing to His sight. I am so terrified right now, afraid to be alone. I really wish that Jesus truly lives within me, not just in me but deep within me, that I may able to overcome trials and be holy as what Sis Dhines said on her last message on the pulpit.

I am so grateful that Sis Aby, Sis Merla, Sis Anne, and Bro William are still there willing to help me, encourage me, like they always do. I was comforted with Sis Aby’s text last night and with Sis Merla's text minutes ago. These leaders are also my Elijah and time will come that they will also have to go or be sent to another place and I am really scared because I am too weak without my Elijah (my leaders). I was thinking that I really need someone who will always remind me. I think I became really dependent to them. But again, I was reminded with the devotional I have read days ago. I really have to learn to depend on God alone. Time will come and I have to face and do things alone and I must apply what I have learned from my Elijah (all our leaders). I must take the initiative as what Oswald Chambers is saying, trust God, put my whole faith in Him and go through anything on my own, not wanting and waiting for someone else to do it for me or go with me. I must learn these things from now on because my leaders, my Elijah will not always be there, sooner or later, they will be separated from me or I from them. And besides, there are other lambs to tend and sheep to Shepherd, to take care of. And I have to be strong for God, and for them. I remember what Sis Aby told me before, “Sis we need you more than ever, now that Sis Dhines is leaving.”

Yes, I should “make a determination to trust in God, and do not even look for Elijah anymore.” I must be independent from them and dependent to God so that I will a help to them, to the whole church, instead of them helping me. As I told Sis Dhines before, that I don’t wanna promise anything but I will do my best to keep the fire burning and do the best that I can to help our leaders in any way I can, and be a blessing to others as well. Everything happened for a reason. There must always be a lesson to learn. As He wills, I must live my life according to His plan and will. I really need a lot of prayers, self-discipline, and determination to accomplish all these. I know that Sis Dhines will also think of me and pray for me always, as she said on her last text to me, and so all our leaders. So whatever God wants, whatever His will, whether Sis Dhines will stay there longer, come back here after 9 months, or she might be based to another country, then I should be happy for that and learn to accept it as the Lord wants me to.

"So long Sis! You will always be in my heart. I will always meet you in prayers! Shall I say see you soon!? Even I am terrified and in great fear right now, as you always say, I will look to God always, and stay closer to Him. Don't you worry I will do my best and give the necessary cooperation, be sensitive to Him enough, and soon by faith I will be regenerated. And I am hoping that when you come back, you will meet a different Gayle. A woman that is truly walking with God, a genuine disciple of Christ, a woman after Yahweh's very own heart. That is my sincere prayer indeed. Love you much sis! Thanks for everything!"

This Experience Must Come

"Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven. And Elisha . . . saw him no more"

It is not wrong for you to depend on your "Elijah" for as long as God gives him to you. But remember that the time will come when he must leave and will no longer be your guide and your leader, because God does not intend for him to stay. Even the thought of that causes you to say, "I cannot continue without my ’Elijah.’ " Yet God says you must continue.

Alone at Your "Jordan" ( Kings 2:14 ). The Jordan River represents the type of separation where you have no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one else can take your responsibility from you. You now have to put to the test what you learned when you were with your "Elijah." You have been to the Jordan over and over again with Elijah, but now you are facing it alone. There is no use in saying that you cannot go— the experience is here, and you must go. If you truly want to know whether or not God is the God your faith believes Him to be, then go through your "Jordan" alone.

Alone at Your "Jericho" ( 2 Kings 2:15 ). Jericho represents the place where you have seen your "Elijah" do great things. Yet when you come alone to your "Jericho," you have a strong reluctance to take the initiative and trust in God, wanting, instead, for someone else to take it for you. But if you remain true to what you learned while with your "Elijah," you will receive a sign, as Elisha did, that God is with you.

Alone at Your "Bethel" ( 2 Kings 2:23 ). At your "Bethel" you will find yourself at your wits’ end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom. When you come to your wits’ end and feel inclined to panic— don’t! Stand true to God and He will bring out His truth in a way that will make your life an expression of worship. Put into practice what you learned while with your "Elijah"— use his mantle and pray (see 2 Kings 2:13-14 ). Make a determination to trust in God, and do not even look for Elijah anymore.