The Calling.. Test of Faith!

I am so ashame to admit that my relationship with God before was like a roller-coaster. There are times that my faith was tested. My life was in vain when my father died. He had his third heart-attack on October 6, 2002. I prayed hard during those times asking Him to heal my father and prolong his life. Seeing the person you love most lying down in coma on ICU room is hard and really painful. I love my father so much and I even ask God that I am willing to give half of my life to my father just for him to live. He was not even moving or talking. We are in so much pain specially seeing him like that and seeing your mother crying. When I was a kid, I'm always asking HIM to prolong my parents life. I am asking Him not to take any of them away from us not unless I have accomplish the life that they want for me and the kind of life that I want for them. My only dream is to have a bigger house, maids for my parents and for my nephew and nieces. To have my own car to drive my father during his meetings or any occassion he wants to attend to. He died 10 days after. I questioned HIM why? And told Him the favor I asked but He still let my father died. He had so much to offer, there are a lot of people that depend on him for help and ask Him whiy did he take away my father from us. It is hard for me to accept the fact the he is no longer with us though I know he is happy on God's place. My father is so kind and really generous and a loving father. He was loved and respected to all the people who knows him. He is the best father, nothing compares. I wouldn't ask for more. He got it all expect material things but I am so proud of him because he is rich with friends.On the long run, I am slowly getting over the pain but still cry hard each time I remember him up to this time. I am missing him often that is why it is so hard. Then I met this guy, we became friends and super close. He was my comfort and he knows how much I miss my father. He is my shoulder to cry on. While with this guy I am slowly recovering from pain and happiness is coming at my door. I still miss my father but not as much I do before. I am starting to have my strength back and ready for trials again knowing that this guy is right beside me. After a year, this guy left me for he found someone new. I was hurt to bad because I've sacrifices and gave almost everything for the sake of loving this guy. This guy hurt me really bad which I don't deserve. I felt the same pain that I had when my dad died after I lost this guy. I am fighting for it and pushing myself to get over it because I know it's not worth it. But everytime I remember what happened and thinking that I don't deserve what he had done, anger is growing in my heart. Hatred for his new girl for they lied to me and being such a bitch. This girl is trying to befriend me but she is stabbing me back. I don't like her for him because I don't like her attitude. I keep on praying and asking Him to help me get over the pain but I asking for justice. I want them to repay what they have done to me. I am being so selfish I know, but I am only human and that is human nature. When you are hurt, you want them to pay for it. I am full of hatred and pain for 5 months.

One night, I got a text message. Till I get to know this guy, his name was Roberto Caisip II or Jhay Caisip. He is the angel that was sent from above, an angel that moved me and touched my heart. I am starting to get over the pain and I'm slowly healing. He was so kind to me though we never meet each other in person. I can see and feel his pure heart and good soul. Jhay changed my life. I have learned a lot of things from him. Simply talking to him or reading his sweet messages makes me stronger. I never thought that I will get over in such pain easily and it only takes one kind and really patient friend. Jhay is religious person and he had moved me and helped me realized how great God is. He became the medium for me to be born again. I was a back slider and since I met him I have realized a lot of things. He didn't preach anything to me but on his own simple ways I was changed. I started reading inspirational and religious book since we became close. It's been a long time since I read my Bible, now everytime I need an answer I'm using it and The Purpose Drive Life book. The first book that I bought is Encouraging Word for Women. I was thinking of him when I bought that one. Everytime I think how good he is, it encourages me to do good things. Thinking that he does not smoke, does not drink, doing charity works, missions, Bible studies, he was even a youth leader, all of those things inspire me to do the same. I wanna be like him and have a good relationship with God. He's been a big help each time I want to control myself. If I am mad, what I do is think how good and kind he is, then I am relief and free from anger again. Maybe it's wrong to think that I was changed because of him not because of God, all I can say is he is the meduim on all of these. This is his mission in my life. He reached out on me and now I became a better person.

Another person that helped me became closer to God is Odina Ramos or Dhines. This friend of mine is also one of the few. She also have a good soul and really kind lady. We became closer the moment that I knew that she was resigning so she reached out on us and invited us to this so-called bonding. She was with us during the trouble on SM City happened. Dhines, inspired me so much. Just imagine, she is giving up her career, the guy she love, her family and all the material things on the world to pursue her mission on reaching out for poor people. We became closer and share each other's secrets. I enjoy every moment that I spent on talking to this lady. She is amazing and really kind. Simply listening from her stories will lift my spirit. We had our bonding yesterday just the two of us, the more that I am getting closer to her is the more I am getting closer to God. I am always praying that she will be successful and be blessed on her mission.

Jhay and Dhines have this big influence in my life. They are keeping me closer to God. Last Sunday is my first time to attend church service again. I do pray but I don't go to church but last Sunday, I was so overwhelmed and really happy for coming back to where I truely belong. I cried and thanked God for letting me meet these 2 persons because they brought me back to life..to Christian life. While praying, I committed myself to Him and have my covenant with Him. From now on, I'll see to it that I will never miss Sunday service. And it feels great. I am so happy last Sunday and I am thinking about these 2 guys because my relationship with God is becoming better. They are the meduim used by God to wake me up. I realized how much God loves me. He loves me so much because the moment the he took away the guy that I loved was the moment I was blessed. God turned me away from bad things because He knows that I will not be a better person if I'll continue my relationship with this guy. I know that he is kind infairness to him but we are bringing out the worst in us when you are together. I am giving him more attention than my family. I loved him more than anything and anyone which is not right. He became my world and my life and I understand why He let me loose him for these reasons. God should be the center of my life not him.

I know sometimes that my faith was tested that is why I am asking Him to prolong my patience and faith. I'm always telling Him not to let go of my hand. I know sometimes I let go but He keeps on pulling my hand. One of my weaknesses is being hot-tempered and I do cursed when I am mad. My family and friends know me for being kind but when I get mad, I am like a volcano. That is the weakness that I am trying to work out. I'm always praying and ask for His help to take away hatred and my weakness from me, and prolong my faith. When I am getting mad I think of Jhay, simply thinking of him helps me control my temper. God is so great for He gave my Jhay and Dhines and used them as His meduim because they are helping me to overcome my weaknesses. I was so sad for the past few days but when I told Dhines about it..she told me to talk to God and tell him my problem as how I told her about it. I did that when I got home and called Jhay to talk to him and I felt the blessings and joy pouring down my body after I talked to Him and talking to Jhay. I am really grateful for meeting Jhay and Dhines for everytime I think of them , I think of God and all the good things I can do, how blessed I am and each time I am having a problem, I think of God and I know I can get over it knowing that He is there. Thinking of them gives me smile in my lips, joy deep within my heart and love coming from the depth and height of my soul can reach. I know that I'll be a better person because I have them. And I have now a better vision of life and I hope and pray that this will continue and I will help others too to do the same. I am proud to say that He is the center of my life, my reason for living. And I know that Jhay and Dhines will be able to help others too because they have the gift to move souls. I wish to have the same gift. Jhay is right, "Everything happens for a reason, for a purpose. God is in control." God really loves me so much and I am proud to say that. He took away the things/persons that He knows will not help me to be a better person and replaced it with things/persons that are so good. I am so lucky and very much happy now. Sometimes I am telling myself, I just wish I lost that guy earlier. I hope and pray that the girl she is with right now will bring out the best in him not the worst in him. But they are forgiven of course. Jhay and Dhines and not to mention Aple and my other friends brought out the best in me. Aple was also one of the persons who help me get over the pain I've been through. She helped me how to stay pretty. She gave me a lot of things to gained back my confidence. She was one of my shock-absorber together with Robin, Dyen, Gwen, Sak, Mai, Bojo, Unz, Ai, Daneth, Sheng, Donna, Jay, Chris, and Nola. I am really happy for having my friends around. They are not just ordinary friends, they are real and good influence to me. I must give credit to these people, to these friends of mine because they are my blessings, my wealth, my treasure. Who cares, I just lost one guy I gained more friends which are better and people that I can treasure for life.

"Thank you Lord. You are so great."