Japan.. is it really a dream come true to be here? Before my flight I was really nervous as if I've seen myself struggling. I had second thought of going here but I asked the Lord to be with me. I know that the Lord sent me here for a reason and that is enough for me. I don’t have any idea what awaits me but one thing for sure, my Lord will not forsake me.
When I arrived on June 23, 2006, my baggage was left so we came back to pick my bag up. The next day, Daneth and I had an accident. While Daneth is driving on our way to work, another car bumped into our car. I thought we will be dead because the impact was so strong but praise God we were not hurt. The Lord protected us indeed. My first experience of God’s miracle and love.
At work, I am expecting to work in the office but it didn't happen. My job instead was on production. The work was fine but you have to stand for 12 hours a day. During my first week I am really crying asking the Lord if that is really the job for me. But then I told Him, "ok my Lord, if this is Your will then I will do this for You. I won't work for anyone else but for You. If You're gonna ask me, I really don't like this job." As months passed by, I was able to realize His purpose for letting me work in that department. People there don't have God. Their god is money. It was really saddening to discover that most people who came here in Japan were changed. There are lots who were Christians before going here they are backslidden now. Lots of married people who lived as single here and commit adultery. Your life will be changed here and so to speak mine was. I easily get mad, hard to control my temper, loosing my patience but the Lord is molding me and little by little changing me. It seems that it is really hard to get closer to the Lord here because you have to work 12 hours a day then you have to do house chores after while because no one will cook and wash clothes for you. I lived alone here for almost 5 months and I find it really hard and tiring. Sometimes I have to cook for others and I sleep 2 am in the morning just to get all things done. It came to the point that I cried to the Lord and vent Him my pain. I keep asking Him to strengthen me for me to serve His people my way of serving Him. Many times I get mad and hurt with my friends here and I am always praying to the Lord to help me love as He loves, serve as He serves, think as He thinks, and have an understanding and generous heart. It really hurts to bad to get upset with someone. I am having a hard time spending quality time with my Savior. I see to it that I could spend more time with Him despite of being tired. He sent me here for a mission not to work so I have to fulfill that and maintain an intimate relationship with Him and I find that really hard.
There were times, that I miss my life in China. Despite of difficulties, I am closer to Him. I could pray and read for 2 hours before sleeping and spend some time with Him even at work. I am trying hard to do that here but it was really hard. I am active in every church activity, attending bible studies and prayer meetings however, having a quiet time with Him is still needed because being a Christian is not a religion but a relationship with Him. He is my reason for living and I want to keep that though it was really hard. That is the spirit of Japan! There are many lost souls here. People live for the money. There are lots of Japanese who killed themselves because of stress. Even elementary students committed suicide. I warn those who want to work here to find a church before going here. Daneth and I often quarrel but because of God's mercy and grace our friendship survived and still going strong.
Right now, my soul is struggling. I just asked the Lord to send me back in the Philippines if my life here will be ruined. I feel like I am losing my direction. I love the Lord so much and I don't wanna hurt Him and sin against Him but I can't control it. But I know that He understands my weaknesses. Because of His grace I stay alive. He'd been really faithful to me. His unfailing love remains. I am so grateful still because I met a lot of friends here specially having Mark in my life. He’d been really helpful to me. I could only share him my secrets that I can’t share with others. He’d been a true brother and a friend to me. We are both struggling and willing to help each other and strengthen our weaknesses through prayers because we believe that only God can change us. He knows exactly my torments aside from the Lord. We made a mistake but we both regretted it and trying hard to fight the good fight of faith. Despite of hardships and pain, I thank the Lord because Japan made my dream come true, glory to God. I was regularly part of the Praise and Worship team that I always dream of. I've learned to dance tambourine which is also my dream. The Lord really loves me and I can't trade that for anything and anyone else. I am praying that He will purify my heart and soul because I keep on sinning against Him. I really don’t understand what is happening to me right now. I’ve been asking the Lord to use my life for His glory and to win more souls though it will hurt me and I don’t know if this is part of it but I am sure the Lord will use it for good though the enemy is trying to destroy me and separate me from my Lord. The enemy is trying to steal me again and again and I am afraid that I will fail my Lord. I can’t afford to be apart from Him really. May the Lord continue to fight with me, I am sure He will because He loves me that much.
However, I don't wanna stay here for more than 2 years. I am actually planning to go home this June when my contract will end but I will still obey His will. Whatever His will for me then I will follow. I would rather go back in China or stay in the Philippines jobless than stay here. Japan is different. It is a sin city. You'll witness different kind of sins here. So much struggles, pain, heartaches, stress, pressure, and tortures and I can't bear more than that because I can't afford to be separated from my Lord. He is my life and I don't want to mess up His plans for me. May I be the exact person the Lord wants me to be.
