Just A Friend

October 14, Friday morning, out of boredom and loneliness I ended up writing this poem. I am not good in poetry, I may have the wrong choice of words and you might not understand it but if you'll try to read between the lines then you will get the thought. I have tried to express my feelings for a friend through that poem. There are so much more to say though but I let the words be few. I am open for comments and suggestions too because I admit I am not really good on writing. Thanks and God bless!!!

Just A Friend
Gayle Galang

My heart is in agony, full of doubts, and regrets
Everyday I'm mourning, my eyes were filled with tears
My soul is crying for avenge 'coz all it has is bitterness
It wants to explode 'coz the pain tortures its weakness

I keep on asking the Lord, how long should I wait
When will my eyes dry and have back its clear sight
When will I get out from darkness and find the light
Will I ever move on and make things right

Living in sorrow and hatred is like living in hell
Trying to survive from being drowned in a deep well
Reaching out my hands, hoping to be saved by an angel
Praying hard for endurance and be pulled out from where I fell

But one message received from you changed my whole life
My heart found hope and my soul got faith out of strife
Every text I got moves me and gives me strength
Words that are full of love could take away my breath

I am grateful for you are heaven's sent
And I realized that I am blessed the moment he left
I can smile and dance again in a way I didn't expect
No other man treated me like you do so you got my trust

Thoughts of you keep running through my head
Falling in love slowly, deeply and longing for you to hold
Wishing you won't change and stay with me for good
'Coz having the sweetest friend in you makes me really proud

Knowing a guy with a beautiful soul was so amazing
Your kind, loving heart is a treasure worth keeping
Joy from deep within me is all you could bring
I couldn't ask for more because you've got everything

I might not able to tell you but truly I love you
You've been there when I need a friend when no one else will do
Being away from you tormented me 'coz I'm missing you
And I can't help but want you more than I want to

I really never thought that I could ever love you this much
Thinking of you makes me long for your touch
Dreaming about you brought pleasure, happiness and such
But it hurts so bad knowing we will never attach

Tried to let go but you keep coming back in my heart and mind
Did you really love me and still, were all I want to find
Asking the Lord if I can share my life with you till the end
If we're not meant to be, I still want to keep you even just a friend

This Is My Story (Jesus Healed My Broken Heart)

My friends (Sak, Uni, and Laine) gave me a book entitled This Is My Story. It's a book about the testimonials of 31 people on how they accepted Christ in their lives. Every story moved and blessed me. I always cry for every story I am reading. I love reading the book. I meditate and talk to God for every situation that strikes me. I am putting myself on the situation of this people and asking the Lord, what will I do if I am on that place and what would you do Jesus if you have the same situation. I recommend the book to everyone. I love it, it's great and I thank my friends for giving it to me. The book is a wonderful blessing to me.

Anyways, here is my story on how I accepted Jesus as my life and saviour.

My family was a Christian and Jesus was introduced to me by my father when I was 6. I used to attend Bible School every Sunday. During my high-school days I joined my cousins and my grandfather on a religion called "Espiritista". I was really active then and I am also a choir member. Since I was young then, I don't take it seriously though I am active attending service and Bible studies. When my cousin died who happened to be my colleague on choir, I decided to stop the service. Our Preacher and my cousins keep on visiting me at home to convince me on going back but I didn't. 3 years later I decided to go back because my other cousin died and before he had the accident he was looking for me and wants to talk to me so I just figured out that he wants me to go back so I did. During those times, I really can't find the presence of Jesus in me. And everytime I visit my older sister in Manila, I go with her on a Born Again Christian church. I felt differently during the service. I always ended up crying and praising Jesus. I continue being "Espiritista" though when I get back home. But deep within me, I want to search myself, and search for Christ. I quitted when my grandfather died. I was 3rd year college then. I do attend Christian services in Manila but not back home, sometimes I do but I am not yet ready then because I can't give up my habits, like bar-hopping, the disco thing, alcohol (but not smoking 'coz I really don't smoke). Just those simple things were my reasons why I don't want to be an active Christian, thinking that being a Christian you need to give up all your habits and vices. I stayed in a life without personal relationship with Christ for couple of years, but I pray always though. For me praying is enough.

2 years ago, my father that I love so much died. Since I was young, I've been praying to the Lord to prolong my parents life until they'll see what they want for me and till I give them all their needs. I may not be a great daughter but I am good. I don't lie to them. If I'll go in a disco, I am telling them and who I am with. But I admit that I am ashame of expressing them what I feel. I couldn't tell them how much I love them. I told them once but in a letter not personally. I love my parents so much and I can't afford to lose them and my father's death was really painful to me. I almost hated God for letting him die. I keep on asking him why? Why now that I can almost reach my goals? I still pray but everytime I think of my father, I keep on asking Him over and over again. I really can't accept the fact that my father was gone. He's been a great father to us. He is the best father in the whole world. We've been really close. He always give you what you ask for. And I am so proud of him as my father and as a man. He'd been a great man to his people. He always work for charity. He memorized the Bible the verses and all. If you ask him where to find this on the Bible. Without looking at his Bible he will immediately tell you the verse. I always want him back in our lives. I am missing him everyday and ended up crying all the time. I wanted to hug him and tell him how much I love him but I can't and that hurts me so bad.

Year 2004, my agony for my father's death was diverted to someone else. I met this guy who I loved much. I gave him all my attentions and everything I have. We are not committed but we are somewhat lovers. We spent so much time together. He spent his time with me instead of spending it with his girlfriend. Yes, he is committed to another girl but I didn't care but they broke up and we kept each other. I enjoyed his company and my love life started to bloom not knowing I am falling on the enemy. I devoted him my time instead of being with my family. All of a sudden he left me and traded me for someone else. All my dreams and hopes shattered. Despite of all the sacrifices I have given him, he still decided to be with someone else. Keep asking the Lord what's wrong with me. "Why did you let this happen to me? You know how kind and loving I am Lord, I don't deserve this but why?" My heart cries for avenge and love turned to hatred. Then I met a friend named Jhay, through text messages. He was a Christian and he really has a beautiful soul. He helped me to move on. On getting to know him, I started reading Christian/Inspirational books and started reading the Bible again. Jhay has been a great blessing to me. He'd been there to uplift my spirit and he drawn me closer to the truth and closer to God. I also have a Christian friend (Dhines) at work, I was so blessed knowing her and her plan on leaving the country and her work for a Christian mission around the world. We became really close friends. One time, I saw the guy and his new girl. I thought I have forgotten him because of Jhay. I thought I am over the pain. I never told anyone about the feeling because all my friends knew that I am over it because that is what I have shown them. The next day, Dhines and I went out for a movie. We talked after the movie and she asked me how I am doing. Then I told her about what I saw that I was hurt. I was hurt not because I am jealous, because I don't want him back. I am hurt because I saw them happy together. My is heart still crying for avenge. Then she told me "Sis, when you get back home before you sleep, kneel down and pray. Talk to God and vent. Offer Him all the bitterness you have in your heart. Tell Him all the things you feel." I did it when I came home. From then on, I decided to go back in Christian life and accepted Jesus again in my life. Through the help of Jhay and Dhines I was born again. I joined the youth ministry on Jesus Our Victory and became really active and part of dance ministry. Every crusade and fellowship we are doing moves me and blessed me. Being on youth ministry made me realized that I can dance and enjoy on serving the Lord. I was wrong to think that Christian life is boring where in fact it is much enjoying and the joy you'll get is coming from the depth of your soul and remain permanently in your heart. I have also totally forgiven all the people who hurt me. I was even the one talk to them to say sorry. I am currently working at China. I believe God sent me here not to work but to be trained as His servant. God is equipping me on leading people to follow Jesus. I am experiencing few problems but God strengthens me everyday and He remains faithful and He never forsaken me. Being away from my family was really painful but since I get here I have loved them more and more everyday. I love them more than before. I am missing them always but I am always praying that the Lord will keep them safe and healthy. I have also accepted that my father is no longer here on earth but I am happy because I know he is in heaven with God and Jesus. I still miss him and wanting to hug him but I don't question God anymore. I know my father is happy right now. This is what he wants me to be, to be a woman of God. I maybe not that good as of now, but God is not yet done working on my life and I know that I will be His great servant.

The relationship I have with Him right now is far beyond compare and truly wonderful like I've never experienced to any one. I started out spreading His words and love through e-mails, text, blogs, and private message. I still have so much to offer Him. I have offered my talents to be used for His glory. I am sure when I get back home or go in other places I will be well-equipped as a leader of His people and as His servant.